Beasts of burden
The Beast, an indie newspaper from Buffalo, New York, that is a little more angry than most of its mealymouthed Canadian counterparts, has recently published a list of the 50 most loathsome people in America. A few writers or, at the very least, people who have published books (or read books) are on the list (which is a good enough excuse for this Friday afternoon glass of haterade).
Here are some of the high-ranking notables and the specific sentence handed down by the editors of The Beast to punish the loathsome:
#20 Oprah Winfrey: “Crushed by self-commissioned 40-story platinum Oprah statue.”
#10 Bill O’Reilly: “After O’Reilly’s influence fundamentally changes the nature of jurisprudence, he is tortured and jailed for life when it is discovered that he once leafed through a copy of the Communist Manifesto as a teen.”
#8 Judith Miller: “After a brief but horrible stint as a chemical weapons test subject for Monsanto, Miller is vivisected without anesthesia and her organs are harvested alive to be preserved as spares for Seymour Hersh.”
#7 Thomas Friedman: “Column outsourced to Bangalore, where there is some difficulty in finding a peasant ignorant and ineloquent enough to please his audience. Compelled at gunpoint to write a 500-page retraction of his recent best-seller, called No, Actually the World Is Round.”
And one more, just for kicks, #3 George W. Bush: “Trapped for eternity under shoddily manufactured Diebold voting machine, unable to reach nearby refrigerator full of hot dogs and bourbon.”
Related links:
Click here for the full list from The Beast
